Back to work...

So, the time is nearly here. I've had to start thinking this week about my return to work. Not just as something away in the future, but actually soon.

To be honest I have really mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I can see all the benefits. Financially, obviously, and also maintaining my career, using my degree and training and so on. But on the other hand I would be completely happy at this point to stay at home full time with Lily and never think about work again. I know it's a difficult choice that all mums have to go through at this point, but somehow that doesn't make it any easier.

For us, financially, there is no choice. To continue our lifestyle as we have it now, I need to work (not that our lifestyle is lavish by any means). I remember a friend once saying to me "you always have a choice, you just might not like the choice you have". How true that is!

One thing that really had been playing on my mind was feeding Lily. At the moment we are currently in the throes of baby-led weaning, which means she is starting on some solids but is also still breast fed. I love breastfeeding her, and having come this far really was starting to worry at the thought of giving up before she was ready. Working a good 30 minutes from home seemed to make that inevitable. However recently I've had my thoughts on that one changed, firstly by reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (a fantastic book which should be recommended reading for all expectant mums who plan to breastfeed, I wish I had read it 6 months ago) and also by watching Is Breast Best? on BBC3 the other night. Both of them have great examples of woman managing to work whilst continuing to breastfeed.

There are still a lot of issues and feelings for me to work through, but that's at least one weight off mind!

Parental Concerns....

I always knew parents worry about their kids, I just never knew how all-consuming that worry can be. It seems that just as I've figured out in my head all the things I need to worry about, something else comes along. Take tonight for example: Lily's not slept well at all the last few nights which we've put down to teething and a cold. In fact yesterday I was so tired after another long night I could hardly move. Tonight was a different story. Teeth are through and cold is all but gone so she slept from bed-time until 1am (back to her old self!) and by the time I got to her she'd fallen back to sleep (now that is unusual!). I woke again at 3.30am and still not a peep. Interestingly, although new parents crave sleep and sleeping through the night is pursued like some sort of Holy Grail, I find it worrying as it's not something Lily's ever really done. So if she does sleep longer than expected I'll lay awake for a while then give in and go to check on her just to satisfy myself all is well. Tonight when I did it I was in for a shock - she'd rolled over and was happily sleeping on her front for the first time! All parents these days are taught the benefits of "back to sleep" with tummy sleeping for newborns being an absolute no-no. Of course this was another gentle reminder that my baby isn't a newborn anymore.... She's growing up fast and is quite capable of rolling herself from back to front and back again. In fact she's getting so good at in she can now travel quite a distance! So next concern is what she will find on those travels..... Gone are the days of putting her down and expecting her to be in the same place a few minutes later.

It's funny - I'm 32 and I know my mum still worries about me! I never realised until I became a mum just how much. It used to drive me mad, but now I'm starting to understand.....