Project Life 2012 Day 6 - Self-Portrait 1

Jan 6 -- is time for your first self-portrait of the year.

This got me thinking a bit about my "self". When Lily was first born, she was almost as much part of my "self" as I was. Although I've had close relationships with family and friends over the years, nothing quite prepared me for the all-consuming nature of the mum and baby relationship. It was totally new to me to be that physically and emotionally close to one person for so much of my time. Even within the last 15 months that bond has changed and developed as she's become older and more independent. But for the moment I can't quite imagine a self-portrait that doesn't include her.

My, Haven't We Grown!

Today we had the mums and babies from our NCT Group over to us for our regular weekly meet up and it really struck me how much we've all grown!

When we first found out we were expecting Lily we really had no idea what to expect! One of the things I was keen on from the start was attending some ante-natal classes to hopefully prepare us a little for what was to come. Various friends had recommended the NCT classes so we signed up and were booked on to some sessions during August 2010. I remember before the first class feeling quite nervous, partly because this made the impending birth seem rather more, well, impending, than it had. I was also quite nervous about being thrown into this group of people with whom we only had one thing in common - babies!

As it turns out, I needn't have worried. Ever since those classes almost a year ago, we have met almost every week and shared our many different experiences of early parenthood. As our babies have grown I think we've also grown from that group of acquaintances with only our big tummies in common to a group of friends with all sorts in common (particularly our love of tea and cakes!).

I have always been quite an independent soul, not really feeling the need to rely on others for support, but I have been amazed at the comfort we have offered each other. Just being able to meet up with mums at the same stage has been fantastically re-assuring, knowing that we are all going through similar issues, being able to share ideas and learn from each other. When joining this kind of group, you never know who you might end up with (!) but feel so lucky that we are all so supportive and non-judgemental of each other. We all have different parenting styles and different ideas but we all seem to get along fabulously well and respect each other's ways while offering each other gentle encouragement and guidance when things aren't going so well.

Other than the obvious, one of the things that's upset me most about my imminent return to work was the thought of losing touch with my NCT group. It is so easy when circumstances change to let contacts slip and before you know it a week, a month, a year has gone by and contact is lost. So I was really relieved today when we started talking about this and resolved to continue to make the effort to meet up, even if it's not all together every time and even if it's not every week. In these kind of situations it's easy to make hollow promises, but I have a good feeling that we will all make the effort to make it work. I truly hope so. Vicky, Vicky, Heidi, Katherine, Emma, Joe, Luke, Tom, Doug and William, you have all helped Lily and I far more than you could ever know over the last 8 months. Thank you xxx

Parental Concerns....

I always knew parents worry about their kids, I just never knew how all-consuming that worry can be. It seems that just as I've figured out in my head all the things I need to worry about, something else comes along. Take tonight for example: Lily's not slept well at all the last few nights which we've put down to teething and a cold. In fact yesterday I was so tired after another long night I could hardly move. Tonight was a different story. Teeth are through and cold is all but gone so she slept from bed-time until 1am (back to her old self!) and by the time I got to her she'd fallen back to sleep (now that is unusual!). I woke again at 3.30am and still not a peep. Interestingly, although new parents crave sleep and sleeping through the night is pursued like some sort of Holy Grail, I find it worrying as it's not something Lily's ever really done. So if she does sleep longer than expected I'll lay awake for a while then give in and go to check on her just to satisfy myself all is well. Tonight when I did it I was in for a shock - she'd rolled over and was happily sleeping on her front for the first time! All parents these days are taught the benefits of "back to sleep" with tummy sleeping for newborns being an absolute no-no. Of course this was another gentle reminder that my baby isn't a newborn anymore.... She's growing up fast and is quite capable of rolling herself from back to front and back again. In fact she's getting so good at in she can now travel quite a distance! So next concern is what she will find on those travels..... Gone are the days of putting her down and expecting her to be in the same place a few minutes later.

It's funny - I'm 32 and I know my mum still worries about me! I never realised until I became a mum just how much. It used to drive me mad, but now I'm starting to understand.....